...From High School To Now....

I remember it like it was yesterday....

I was wearing a white & blue floral dress... under my black and red grad gown.. It was hot, the lights were bright and I sat in the front row. Not because I wanted to but alphabetically thats where it landed me. Our principal stood at the front.. holding index cards with our name on it.. so that he would announce our names correctly as we walked across the stage.

It was a day I had been waiting for since grade 9.. because to me, graduating from High School meant officially entering Adulthood – moving out of my Parents house and living on campus, meeting new friends, joining groups and student organizations, scheduling my own classes, going to parties, not having a curfew, and living the independent lifestyle I had been craving since I walked into high-school.

And then it happened.

Fast Forward: Early March, 2012.

I logged into Facebook and saw and remembered that I am somewhat organizing my 10 Year High School reunion.

< insert emotional breakdown here >

“Holy shit,” I thought to myself,“Where the hell did those ten years go?  And how do I get them back?!”

After graduation I had a plan: graduate from college, graduate from nursing school school, work for a hospital somewhere, travel the world, and get married by the age of 30.

Clearly that was my imaginary plan, because my actual plan consisted of: graduating from college in Quebec, Going to college in Miramichi..  drinking my body weight in vodka, sabotaging friendships, getting my heart broken, spiraling into bad relationships & hookups, and getting bitch-slapped with a Quarterlife Crisis. However... within the last 2 years... things have changed a bit.. went back to School to be a Paramedic... working & love it.... met the man of my dreams & we recently just bought a house!!!

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future.  Planning for it.  Trying to predict it.  As if figuring it out will cushion the blow.  But the future is always changing.  The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes.  But one thing is certain -  when it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it. At least it wasn’t for me.. some regrets but its finally where I want it to be! Yet here I am at 27, happily taken, childless, employed and somewhat freaking out because my classmates have gotten married, had babies, traveled, and lived these rock-star lives and I feel like Im just starting to grow up now.

Why do we insist on growing up so quickly and having our lives all figured out by the time we’re 30?  And for those of us who don’t have it figured out right now, why do we feel like we’ve failed?
Truth is, I don’t think I would be happier had my life gone according to plan.  I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason,   I also believe that this Quarterlife Crisis hit at a time when I really needed to figure myself out.  Even if I don’t have all of the answers yet, perhaps I’m one step closer to finding them.

I can’t help but wonder – of my high school classmates who are married, have children, and have fancy schmancy jobs, how many of them are authentically happy?

Maybe I’ll find out at my reunion....it is just around the corner.