Friendship

.....So I have said.... “I look at every female friend I have... as a potential bridesmaid” or “they have the characteristics I want in a best friend and bridesmaid”.  I often think about my friends, probably a little to often. I miss my friends that i have lost touch with, I long for the friends I have yet to meet and... enjoy the friendships I have that are blossoming.

Women, more then men, have great urges to hold on tightly to old friends. Sociologists have data showing that women who can maintain friendships through the decades are healthier and happier with stronger marriages. Not all women are able to sustain those friendships, however. Its true that countless grade-school girls arrange themselves in pairs, duos, threesomes and foursomes, vowing to be best friends forever. But as they reach adulthood, everything gets harder, when women are between the ages of 25 and 40 their friendships are most at risk, because those are the years when women are often consumed with marrying, raising their children and establishing careers.

I honestly believe that when women think about their friends, they find themselves pondering every part of their lives, their sense of themselves, their choice of men, their dependence on other women, their need for validation, their relationships with their mothers, their dreams for their daughters...everything. For girls, friends form the center of their lives. Friends light up girls' days in preschool, become inseparable in elementary school, and help girls in middle school develop their own, separate lives. As girls grow up, it's not unusual for them to find best friends, break up, and reform friendships time and again.

As an adult, friendship is no less important to me than it was in elementary school.  A lot of my friends can be very crude. They are comfortable with any flaws I may have.  Because there is no one road map for the relationship, friendships are allowed the breathing room to develop naturally over time. Close friendships can have a level of effortlessness, naturalness, and grace that all but the very best romantic relationships lack.

The best times are when we lounge around a friend’s bed like sloths, talking about whatever happens to come to mind. We don’t have to think about what we are saying; whatever comes out of our mouths is generally ok, no fears, no censorship, you can be utterly yourself.  Friends understand each other; if they had to work at understanding each other, they wouldn’t be friends.

But is basing your life around your friendships the best way to live beyond your twenties and thirties? Friends are still going to get coupled up and married, and people have children. Friendships, like amorous relationships, take time to maintain, and in the middle years, inevitably, people need to pour energy and time into their homes, their spouses and children. However, I consider my friendships very important and will continue to let them be a very important part of my life!!!